Got Joke?

[meafyTFLord]

lol @ animal

[Dragon3]

A man is travelling through Europe and he sees an older man talking to what looks like his grandchild while getting some fishing nets tied. The child has his attention on the older man very intently. It looks like the grandfather is parting great wisdom to his grandchild so the traveler gets close enough to hear the old man speaking in a thick accent:
"Do you see those seas before you, I fished those seas with my own ship. Do they call me Zorba the fisherman? No, no they don't.
Do you see those farms there, I farmed those lands with my own hands. Do they call me Zorba the farmer? No, no they don't
Do you see those houses there, I built those houses with my own hands. Do the call me Zorba the carpenter? No, no they don't

... I fvck one goat.

[Animal BiB]

It is with great remorse that I inform you all of the sad news of something
that happened to someone very dear to us all.

Last night, at approximately 8:42 pm, the Energizer Bunny, after going, and
going, and going for so long, unfortunately passed away.

Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical
examiner reported the cause of death as acute cardiac arrest induced by
sexual over-stimulation...

Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries in backwards and he kept
coming, and coming, and coming...

[Croft]

Amish virus alert

[Dragon3]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitres comes over and askes for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says "I'll have a haburger, fires and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man raches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "that will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."

"Thats brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress askes, "one other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say"

[AngelChiken]

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side
of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death, can we
take it with us and get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K., get in the car with it".
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs, it's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose and it will be OK."

[Dimension]

hahaha.

similar one.

a couple was driving along an icy road in ab almost-blizzard when suddenly one of the tires looses pressure and they're left stranded on the side of the road. after a frantic search, the man comes to the shattering conclusion that he doesn't have any gloves. after a little pondering the wife sais "say, why don't you come back inside and put your hands between your legs until they're warm enough to continue working?". alas, it is done, the man pops out, runs to the trunk, lops out the spare, and begins exchanging the tires, frequently dropping inside the car to warm his fingers between his girlfriends legs. after tedious work, he finally pops back in and congratulates her on the idea. she then looks at him a little sheepishly and sais "my, you must have cold ears now..."

[Dragon3]

A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next him. The big guy sees the little guy starring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, Turner Brown"
The small guy faints away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, gently slapping his face and shaking him, "Are you alright?"
In a very week voice the little guys says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say?"
The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions almost everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 ince penis, 2 pound left testicls, 2 pound right testicls, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "OH! Thank God!! I thought you said 'Turn Around.'

[Kushan]

har

[MagpieFL]

a three legged dog goes into a western saloon and walks up to the bar.
he says to the barman 'Ahm lukin fer th man that shot ma paw'

[Kushan]

lol

ok, so i join quakenet irc out of boredom. looking at all the available channels i notice a channel devoted to that annoying badger flash site. THEN SUDENLIE..

[15:17] *sourie* hallo
[15:17] *sourie* wie gehts
[15:18] *sourie* bist du daman
[15:18] -> *sourie* um no spek engrish?
[15:18] *sourie* okk
[15:18] *sourie* where r u from man
[15:18] -> *sourie* US

[15:20] {Kushan> where u from?
[15:20] {sourie> india
[15:20] {sourie> urs is the shittest place on earth
[15:20] {sourie> cos they dont give us visas to the us
[15:20] {Kushan> lol
[15:20] {Kushan> its not so bad :P
[15:21] {sourie> the land is good bu the ppl r sick
[15:21] {sourie> where exactly over there
[15:21] {Kushan> Utah
[15:21] {sourie> where is tat now
[15:21] {sourie> I dont have any idea where small viallages like those r
[15:22] {Kushan> its a state
[15:22] {Kushan> midwest US
[15:22] {sourie> ookk
[15:22] {sourie> do u have a f
[15:22] {sourie> gf
[15:22] {Kushan> no, i have a bf
[15:23] {sourie> wot
[15:23] {sourie> r u a male or a female
[15:23] {Kushan> male
[15:23] {sourie> u r a gay then
[15:23] {Kushan> of course
[15:23] {Kushan> all americans r gay
[15:24] {Kushan> i thought everyone knew that
[15:24] {sourie> coool
[15:24] {sourie> gr8
[15:24] {sourie> nope
[15:24] {sourie> wanna have chat sen then
[15:24] {sourie> sex
[15:24] {Kushan> sure
[15:24] {sourie> cool
[15:24] {sourie> lets start
[15:24] {sourie> oooooooooooooooom
[15:25] {sourie> I smooch u
[15:25] {Kushan> ok, i unzip my dress and reveal my huge cock + my vagina
[15:25] {sourie> r u a shemale
[15:25] {Kushan> yeah, its expensive as hell but worth it
[15:25] {sourie> coooool
[15:26] {sourie> I lick ur mouth watering pussy

danga would have known what to do, but i was not entirely sure that i could win vs a guy like this ;p

the morale of teh story... dun cyber with a canadian... or a dude from india.

[edit] fixed so that u can tell who is talking[/edit]

[soul]

kushan you are one sick person, way more then i ever gave you credit for.

[zion]

i second that motion

[zion]

An old man and an old lady were laying in bed, and the old man farted. The old lady goes "what was that?" the Old man replies with "fart football 7-0". A few minutes later the old lady farts "tied up 7-7". Couple more minutes go by the old man farts again "14-7"...

Then about 10 minutes go by and the old man just let's loose, shits all over the bed and makes the most horrible fart sound. The old woman in shock goes "my god what was that?"

Old man replies "half-time, change sides"

[Savage]

a hillbilly and his two sons come to town to eat at a diner.

the father say to his first son, "what chu want boy?". the first son replies "i want me a god damn cheeseburger". the father slaps the shit out of his first son and says "go outside and wait for us, you ain't gettin nothin". the father turns to his second son and asks "what chu want boy?". his second son answers, "i sure as hell don't want no god damn cheeseburger."